What I've Learned from Emma

Emma at 1 month and 6 months

This past Wednesday, Emmalee (we call her Emma) turned 6-months-old.  The last six months have been full of every emotion: Joy, frustration, confusion, fear, humor, happiness, and love.

Emma came into this world with her own set of challenges. Her first challenge: leaving the hospital. During my third trimester, Emma started measuring small. By the end of December, after monitoring her growth (or lack thereof), my doctor determined that she needed to be born as soon as possible. (Matthew put together a video of Emma’s birth story.) 

Emma was quite small and stayed a week in the hospital until she could eat, gain weight, and maintain her own body temperature. The time in the hospital was a very growing experience for me. I wrote this on the day after Emma was born, “There is no way to write everything that happened, or the express the depth of feelings that I have experienced. I’ve felt a range of panic to absolute certainty that Heavenly Father is in control. I know that prayer will work miracles for our little Emma. She has many prayers being said for her...I know that Emma is God’s daughter, that I am God’s daughter, and that families are forever.”

Emma in the NICU

Matthew and I were so excited to bring Emma home from the hospital. I remember taking a nap with him right when we got home, but both jumping out of bed when Emma began crying. For a good amount of time my life revolved around trying to get sleep and trying to take care of Emma. I had no idea how physically, emotionally, and mentally demanding it would be to have a baby. The first six weeks were definitely the most challenging.

I am grateful that I kept a journal during that time. Rereading it has helped me see that God was there every day and what caused the most stress was comparing myself to what I thought I should be. I should be able to recover from a C-section, take care of a tiny baby, always look presentable, and have a smile on my face all of the time! Once I realized how unrealistic that was, and no one expected perfection, I was able to really enjoy my time with Emma. I am grateful for the verse in Mosiah that reads, “…it is not requisite that a man

Napping with Emma

[or new mother] should run faster than he has strength.”

What I have enjoyed most about being a mother is seeing Emma learn and grow. I have loved seeing her learn how to grab things, babble, roll over, and now hold her own bottle! She makes me laugh every day and it amazes me how much of a personality fits into her little 13 pound body.

There is one experience I want to share that epitomizes what I have learned in these last six months.

Emma began eating baby food at around 5 months. I knew there were several benefits to making homemade baby food and decided to give it a go. I spent a Friday morning chopping, cooking, pureeing, and storing baby food. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself, even though my kitchen was a disaster and I was drenched in perspiration.

Emma tries green beans

Soon thereafter, Emma began crying. I tried the normal things to soother her: feed her, change her diaper, play with her – but nothing helped. She just kept crying. I got pretty frustrated and thought, “Emma! Don’t you realize that I have spent so much time this morning for YOU? You should be a very happy baby with how much I do for you.”

As I’ve had time to reflect on that experience, I realize how much it applies to my relationship with the Savior. How often am I dissatisfied and disregard all that I have? How often do I forget to acknowledge all that the Savior has already done for me? It would be very easy for the Lord to be exasperated with me. But He isn’t. He continues to soothe me and watch as I learn and grow.

Havertz Family

This is the greatest lesson I have learned from becoming a parent.  Emma is imperfect and has a limited perception on why I do what I do. I am imperfect and have a limited perception on why the Lord does what He does. Just as Emma is learning to trust and rely on me, I need to learn more to trust and rely on the Lord.