A Year Ago Today

I sat in the doctor's office December 22, 2015, waiting for my OB/GYN to come in and talk to me. Emma wasn't due for several more weeks, but was measuring small and Dr. Spencer was concerned. While Dr. Spencer consulted with a specialist about Emma's growth, I was very nervous about the health of my baby. However, I felt an overwhelming sense of calm. I knew that God would help us through whatever happened. Dr. Spencer came back in and told me that we needed to deliver Emma within the next ten days.

Emma was born a week later. She stayed in the NICU for seven days before coming home. The time between the appointment on the 22nd and taking Emma home two weeks later were some of the most challenging days of my life. However, they gave me an even greater conviction that God is in control.

Today is much less intense than last December 22. As I have watched Emma playing, trying to walk, and making a mess, I have been overwhelmed with gratitude. Though motherhood is in no way easy, I have the same feeling I had a year ago in the doctor's office: God will help us through whatever life brings.

Emma is starting to walk!

At the window where she waits to see Daddy come home.

Typical Emma: holding her bunny while leaving a trail of toys.

Real life: bow off her head and needing some love.

What I've Learned from Emma

Emma at 1 month and 6 months

This past Wednesday, Emmalee (we call her Emma) turned 6-months-old.  The last six months have been full of every emotion: Joy, frustration, confusion, fear, humor, happiness, and love.

Emma came into this world with her own set of challenges. Her first challenge: leaving the hospital. During my third trimester, Emma started measuring small. By the end of December, after monitoring her growth (or lack thereof), my doctor determined that she needed to be born as soon as possible. (Matthew put together a video of Emma’s birth story.) 

Emma was quite small and stayed a week in the hospital until she could eat, gain weight, and maintain her own body temperature. The time in the hospital was a very growing experience for me. I wrote this on the day after Emma was born, “There is no way to write everything that happened, or the express the depth of feelings that I have experienced. I’ve felt a range of panic to absolute certainty that Heavenly Father is in control. I know that prayer will work miracles for our little Emma. She has many prayers being said for her...I know that Emma is God’s daughter, that I am God’s daughter, and that families are forever.”

Emma in the NICU

Matthew and I were so excited to bring Emma home from the hospital. I remember taking a nap with him right when we got home, but both jumping out of bed when Emma began crying. For a good amount of time my life revolved around trying to get sleep and trying to take care of Emma. I had no idea how physically, emotionally, and mentally demanding it would be to have a baby. The first six weeks were definitely the most challenging.

I am grateful that I kept a journal during that time. Rereading it has helped me see that God was there every day and what caused the most stress was comparing myself to what I thought I should be. I should be able to recover from a C-section, take care of a tiny baby, always look presentable, and have a smile on my face all of the time! Once I realized how unrealistic that was, and no one expected perfection, I was able to really enjoy my time with Emma. I am grateful for the verse in Mosiah that reads, “…it is not requisite that a man

Napping with Emma

[or new mother] should run faster than he has strength.”

What I have enjoyed most about being a mother is seeing Emma learn and grow. I have loved seeing her learn how to grab things, babble, roll over, and now hold her own bottle! She makes me laugh every day and it amazes me how much of a personality fits into her little 13 pound body.

There is one experience I want to share that epitomizes what I have learned in these last six months.

Emma began eating baby food at around 5 months. I knew there were several benefits to making homemade baby food and decided to give it a go. I spent a Friday morning chopping, cooking, pureeing, and storing baby food. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself, even though my kitchen was a disaster and I was drenched in perspiration.

Emma tries green beans

Soon thereafter, Emma began crying. I tried the normal things to soother her: feed her, change her diaper, play with her – but nothing helped. She just kept crying. I got pretty frustrated and thought, “Emma! Don’t you realize that I have spent so much time this morning for YOU? You should be a very happy baby with how much I do for you.”

As I’ve had time to reflect on that experience, I realize how much it applies to my relationship with the Savior. How often am I dissatisfied and disregard all that I have? How often do I forget to acknowledge all that the Savior has already done for me? It would be very easy for the Lord to be exasperated with me. But He isn’t. He continues to soothe me and watch as I learn and grow.

Havertz Family

This is the greatest lesson I have learned from becoming a parent.  Emma is imperfect and has a limited perception on why I do what I do. I am imperfect and have a limited perception on why the Lord does what He does. Just as Emma is learning to trust and rely on me, I need to learn more to trust and rely on the Lord.

Why the name Emmalee

I don’t remember a time in my life where I didn’t look forward to being married and starting a family. I spent countless hours doodling my future family – drawing my future husband, usually four kids, and the family dog. I always had a list of potential names for my children. A few names came and went, but one always stuck: Emma.

I have loved the name Emma for a long time now. I love the Prophet Joseph Smith’s wife, Emma, but that wasn’t really why I wanted to have a daughter named Emma. I didn’t know the why of Emma until I met Matthew Havertz.

I knew very quickly that I wanted to marry Matthew. I was immediately drawn to him because of the spirit he carried. I could tell right away that he was a great man, one who loved the Lord completely. On our first date, we talked about our families. He told me about the passing of his mother when he was 11 years old, and that of his little sister when he was 17. I could tell that Matthew had a strong testimony about the Plan of Salvation. He knew that family relationships are “perpetuated beyond the grave.”

Matthew's little sister, Emmalee

Matthew’s little sister who passed away is named Emmalee. When I found out about the spelling of her name, and as Matthew and I progressed in our relationship, it became clear to me why “Emma” had always been my favorite name. Matthew and I agreed that we would name our first daughter Emmalee, after his sister, and call her Emma.

The name Emma has become even more special to me as I learned about Emmalee.

Emmalee was diagnosed with liver cancer when she was eight, and died when she was nine years old. I never met her, but I feel a special love for her. My father in-law wrote about Emmalee’s life in his book Dragonfly Wings for Emmalee. When I read that book, I am amazed at the strength Emmalee had during such a trying experience. Throughout her fight with cancer, she was brave, honest, funny, and kind.

I feel honored to be able to name my daughter after such a remarkable girl. Matthew and I will teach Emma that she was named after someone who was brave, honest, fun, and kind.

I love the name Emma, and now I know why: I love Emmalee.

I am grateful for Heavenly Father’s tender mercies. He, through something as simple as a name, has brought heaven a little closer to my heart. The name Emma is now tied to two of my angels – my sister and my daughter.    

Our Wedding

For Christmas, Matthew's grandma gave us a book with stories from her family history.  While reading it, I was touched by the record of her wedding day. Being married only a little over two months, I decided to write a blog post about our wedding. Hopefully this will be something that will be fun for Matthew and I to read, and be of interest to our future children and grandchildren. 

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The Wedding Date 

Matthew and I were married on December 18, 2014.  While talking about getting married, we considered doing it in late December or early January.  However, the 18^th of December kept sticking out to us.

December 18^th, 1980 was the day that my parents really stared their relationship.  Our family calls it “5^th Avenue Day”.  While at the BYU bookstore, Dad saw Mom and her friend in line.  He asked them if they’d ever eaten a 5^th Avenue candy bar.  Neither of them had, and Dad bought one for each of them.  While walking out of the bookstore, Dad got Mom’s number, and their relationship grew from there.  Mom still has the wrapper from that original 5^th Avenue Candy. 

Ever since I can remember, we have celebrated December 18th by eating 5^th Avenues and watching movies.  December 18^th, 1980 was a significant day for the 

Hunt Family.  It felt right to be married on the same day that my parents fell for each other.  Matthew agreed with me and we planned on being married on December 18^th, 2014 at 10:00 AM.

5^th Avenues were served at our luncheon.

The Temple

Matthew and I met in the Bountiful, Utah temple, so it would have made sense for us to get married there.  But during our courtship, we went to the open house of the remodeled Ogden, Utah temple.  While going through the temple, I was awed by its beauty.  Walking through the bridal room I imagined myself in there.  Holding hands with my sweetheart while walking on the grounds of the Ogden temple confirmed to me that that is where I wanted to get married.  Matthew had the same feeling.  

Wedding Colors

I am surprised at how may people asked us what our wedding colors were going to be! 

I had spent most of my teenage years dreaming about my future wedding, and so I had plenty ideas of what I wanted.  For some reason I was really nervous to tell Matthew what colors I would like.  One day, I sent him a picture of colors I liked.  He liked them a lot!  We chose  were royal blue, sky blue, mint, and white. 

Photographer

As I've mentioned, I’ve dreamed about my wedding for a long time.  About six years ago, I came across Cascio Photography – a Utah photographer.  My best friend Raegan and I would spend hours looking at the bridals, engagement, and wedding albums Brittany Cascio put up.  After getting engaged, Mom called Brittany and scheduled an engagement session.  I was surprised that Mom remembered my favorite photographer!  Brittany did both our engagement and wedding photos, which Matthew and I love! 

Wedding Luncheon

We had our luncheon at the Grand View Reception Center in Ogden, literally across the street from the Ogden temple.  My mom put together the decorations.  We had tasty pork and chicken sandwiches, salad, potato casserole, fruit punch, and a dessert bar.  Matthew’s grandparents surprised us by getting hot chocolate for everyone while they waited for Matthew and I to finish taking pictures.

Matthew and I both performed musical numbers at the luncheon.  I have played the flute since I was eight years old, and Mom loved listening to me play.  For about a month before the wedding, Dad and I secretly practiced an arrangement of “I’m Trying to Be Like Jesus” for the flute and piano.  We pulled off the surprise!  Dad and I played together at the luncheon, bringing my sweet mom to tears.

Matthew began writing a song at my house a couple of days after we met.  That song developed as our relationship progressed.  He finished the song and sang it for me on my birthday.  He sang the song at our luncheon, and I remember feeling so lucky to have a man love me enough to write a song just for me.

Reception

We had our reception at the LDS Chapel Matthew and I went to for our YSA ward.  My mom did SO much preparation for the reception!  For our backdrop, we had a wooden palate with lights and plants.  The centerpieces were vases with twigs, water, and candles  (we went for a wooden-wintery theme).  The food was delicious!  We had hot chocolate, apple juice, donuts, cake bites, and so many other things that I don’t remember them all.  We were in line for two hours straight, with no break in the line.  I am so grateful for everyone who came to show support for our new adventure! 

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Over the last two months, Matthew and I have talked often about our wedding.  We wouldn’t change a thing about it!  While I will always cherish the details of our wedding, nothing is more important to me than being married in the House of God with His Authority: being in the temple with my best friend, knowing that our marriage would be eternal, was the highlight of that special day.